Post by Cult Palomino on Feb 28, 2017 13:05:28 GMT -5
[The camera opens to the interior of a small office. It is immediately clear that we are on a higher level of a building in Manhattan, with the presence of large skyscrapers reflecting deep blue water outside the window. The desk is messy, littered with papers strewn about carelessly. The man sitting behind it is everyone's least favorite snake. His suit jacket removed, his tie drooping from an unbuttoned collar, he appears overworked and stressed.]
Cult Palomino: That's what I told you, Mrs., uhh...
[He scurries to find one paper in particular, taking an awkwardly excessive amount of time.]
Cult Palomino: Pep...Pepperdine. Jones? That's what I told you, Mrs. Jones, all stains in under fifteen minutes. It's the best solvent on the market.
[He rolls his eyes and suppresses a yawn. Looking up, he notices the camera and suddenly changes his disposition.]
Cult Palomino: Listen, you old bag. If you don't want a stain free lifestyle, stop wasting my time.
[He slams the phone down for dramatic effect, adjusts his tie and clears his throat.]
Cult Palomino: What you're about to hear is straight from the hor...
Voice: CP! In my office, please.
Cult Palomino: In a minute, boss! I'm busy!
[He interlocks his fingers and rests his hands on top of the desk in an effort to look poised and official.]
Cult Palomino: Look, I know you want to know why I called you guys over here. I'll just cut to the chase. My sources have done some serious investigating on the Twitter, and they have discovered what can only be described as a widespread and massive VOTER FRAUD scheme to fix the outcome of the Season 25 Wrestler of the Year voting.
[The cameraman is taken aback by the allegation and can be heard repeating the phrase "Voter fraud?"]
Cult Palomino: Voter fraud. It's being said that anywhere from seven to eight illegals voted against the monster Doomtrain. My guess is they weren't native English speakers. How do you say two hundred forty days in Spanish? "Two hundred forty dias," correct? Somewhere along the way, it must have been lost in translation because that's how long the monster Doomtrain will be the GWA World Champion come the Riot in the Ring this Sunday.
[Silence, as if that statement alone proves his argument.]
Cult Palomino: Don't you see?! The monster did what no man -- or dare I say, woman -- has ever done before, and what nobody will do again. He will go down as perhaps the greatest of all time, a rightful Hall of Famer, a divine being among mere mortals, not to mention the pride and joy of Whitefish! The reason tourism increased by sixty-seven percent in that town! They won't take his title Sunday! His being denied, nay...cheated out of Wrestler of the Year trophy will be considered the greatest travesty this country has ever seen! I'll make sure of it!
Voice: CP!!! In my office, now!!!
[He wipes the sweat from his brow.]
Cult Palomino: I really need to get out of here.
[The camera turns to the right before abruptly cutting out.]
Cult Palomino: That's what I told you, Mrs., uhh...
[He scurries to find one paper in particular, taking an awkwardly excessive amount of time.]
Cult Palomino: Pep...Pepperdine. Jones? That's what I told you, Mrs. Jones, all stains in under fifteen minutes. It's the best solvent on the market.
[He rolls his eyes and suppresses a yawn. Looking up, he notices the camera and suddenly changes his disposition.]
Cult Palomino: Listen, you old bag. If you don't want a stain free lifestyle, stop wasting my time.
[He slams the phone down for dramatic effect, adjusts his tie and clears his throat.]
Cult Palomino: What you're about to hear is straight from the hor...
Voice: CP! In my office, please.
Cult Palomino: In a minute, boss! I'm busy!
[He interlocks his fingers and rests his hands on top of the desk in an effort to look poised and official.]
Cult Palomino: Look, I know you want to know why I called you guys over here. I'll just cut to the chase. My sources have done some serious investigating on the Twitter, and they have discovered what can only be described as a widespread and massive VOTER FRAUD scheme to fix the outcome of the Season 25 Wrestler of the Year voting.
[The cameraman is taken aback by the allegation and can be heard repeating the phrase "Voter fraud?"]
Cult Palomino: Voter fraud. It's being said that anywhere from seven to eight illegals voted against the monster Doomtrain. My guess is they weren't native English speakers. How do you say two hundred forty days in Spanish? "Two hundred forty dias," correct? Somewhere along the way, it must have been lost in translation because that's how long the monster Doomtrain will be the GWA World Champion come the Riot in the Ring this Sunday.
[Silence, as if that statement alone proves his argument.]
Cult Palomino: Don't you see?! The monster did what no man -- or dare I say, woman -- has ever done before, and what nobody will do again. He will go down as perhaps the greatest of all time, a rightful Hall of Famer, a divine being among mere mortals, not to mention the pride and joy of Whitefish! The reason tourism increased by sixty-seven percent in that town! They won't take his title Sunday! His being denied, nay...cheated out of Wrestler of the Year trophy will be considered the greatest travesty this country has ever seen! I'll make sure of it!
Voice: CP!!! In my office, now!!!
[He wipes the sweat from his brow.]
Cult Palomino: I really need to get out of here.
[The camera turns to the right before abruptly cutting out.]