Post by caffrey on Aug 12, 2018 15:00:11 GMT -5
Johnny Bulldog is standing with Caffery on the Pick of the Hits stage. Bulldog looks down the camera with a cold stare, sounding slightly less enthusiastic than usual. He picks up as soon as he notices the camera on him.
Bulldog: Good afternoon and welcome to Pick of the Hits, a very special GWA rankings edition - which takes into account the wrestlers YOU think are the best! Joining me this week is the fantastic Caffrey!
Caffrey: That's Anthony Caffrey. I get more money when you use my full name.
Bulldog: Excuse me, Anthony Caffrey…
Caffrey: Also, really, fantastic? That’s the descriptor you’re using? You could've gone with so many other descriptors... and I see I missed the dress code…
Caffrey looks Bulldog up and down. Caffrey is wearing a “Perfect Asshole” t-shirt and jeans.
Bulldog: You could have at least worn a suit, Caff.
Caffrey: I haven’t worn a suit in about four years...
Bulldog: Right… and with that, on we go with the countdown!
The Wizard by Paul Hardcastle plays as usual.
Bulldog: And at Number 10 this week, just scraping in, it’s the very naughty Lio! No prostitutes here please…
Caffrey: God, what an embarrassment to the company. Not to mention, it’s Lio! I’m from Philly and he makes me feel bad about it. Coming in at #9 we have Armageddon…
Caffrey sighs.
Caffrey: What a waste of talent… Johnny, I’m a great wrestler. All he had to do was listen to me. We were tagteam champions for crying out loud. Am I crazy on that?
Bulldog: I'd argue that you were the talent there, Caff, and speaking of wasted talent, at Number 8, it's the guy who always seems to be pushed to the top even when he's in a different arena, Apokolupsis!
Caffrey: You can’t win over the fans you’re so desperate to please when you’re sitting on your couch at home! Coming at #7… goddamnit I hate this guy… Danny Cage. Who put this asshole on the list?
Bulldog: This list is made by the fans, Caffrey- I mean Anthony Caffrey - this is all down to who they think is best.
Caffrey: Like he isn’t even a good wrestler! He just paid Doomtrain enough money that now they’re tag team champions.
Bulldog: Yes, thanks for that, Caff, back on track if you will…
Caffrey clearly doesn't get the rhythm of the show.
Bulldog: At 6, it's a non-mover, the former greatest on a slight lull, Dylan Black! I'm sure that will be sorted soon enough.
Caffrey: Ya know, when I came back, I was told he was the second coming of me.
Bulldog: Well yeah, but, is he?
Caffrey: I always kept moving when I was coming in… so no, I don’t think so. How’s the Brotherhood doing?
Bulldog looks a little frustrated.
Bulldog: We're still on top.
Caffrey: Oh, are you?
Caffrey looks ahead at who the next one on the list is. He smiles, knowing what he’s about to do.
Caffrey: Ooh, you’re going to hate this next one. Coming in at #5, we have our NEWWW International Champion, having just defeated Johnny Bulldog… a young kid with potential, Wellington Dunne!
Bulldog’s hard stare intensifies for a second.
Bulldog: Excuse me?! Him!? He got lucky! He may be alright but there is NO WAY. I mean… NO WAY this guy is in the Top 10! Better yet, how is he ranked higher than me!? This is a sham, a farce! I'm telling you Caffrey, I -
Bulldog lashes out at something on set, punching a hole in a back wall. Caffrey looks especially pleased with himself before wrangling him back in.
Caffrey: Woah there, we still have a list to get through, you'll get him soon enough. And I don’t know who’s paying for your set but this shit looks expensive, man.
Bulldog: Excuse me, ladies and gents. Back to the… Uhh… countdown - it's the monster Doomtrain at Number 4!
Caffrey: At number 3 we have our temporary World Champion, Rick Sheath.
Bulldog looks at Caffrey, who is going off-script.
Bulldog: Temporary, Caff? Are you reading the autocue alright?
Caffrey: Brewer is an EIGHT TIME world champion… I saw that match. It was a classic case of Brewer underestimating his opponent. He’s going to be a nine-time champion at Pick Your Poison.
Bulldog: And at Number 2… oh look, Caffery, it's you! Congratulations sir! Now, if you wouldn't mind doing the honours…
Caffrey: It's CAFFREY. And I’m number two?? I mean, I should be number one… I’ll take it for now, these fans don't know what the hell they're talking about, I'm honestly surprised they had the sense to put me this high. I haven’t shown the world what I can really do since I’ve returned anyway... who’s going to be number one?
Bulldog: Well you never know who the fans might pick! It could be… me perhaps?
Caffrey shoots Bulldog a look.
Caffrey: It’s gotta be Brewer, right? Coming at #1 on the Pick of the Hits… oh you’ve got to be kidding me.
Bulldog hands Caffery a silver envelope with the number 1 clearly visible. Inside, the Number One, Rockshade.
We see Caffrey whistle and rip up the number one card.
Caffrey: Surprise, folks. There is no number one this week!
Bulldog: That's news to me! I believe it's Rockshade, no?
Caffrey: How the HELL could it be Rockshade? No. That’s bullshit. You know what it is? He gets some airtime against me, and then every camera in the GWA is turned to us. If he can win this week -- which spoiler alert, he’s won’t, because he’s OLD AND CAN’T WRESTLE ANYMORE, then we should be the main event. The wrestling world tunes in because we have a gay World Champion and that rating stunt is drawing viewers, but they STAY for ME, the greatest technical wrestler in the history of the company. Rockshade?
Caffrey: You know what this is? It’s a bunch of fans who are voting for nostalgia. Nostalgia is in, Johnny. In the 90s? Sure. Rockshade, put him up there. Three years ago? Sure. This version now? They put THIS VERSION of Rockshade at #1?? This one is more suited to the Pick of the Retirement Home. Goddamn that son of a ---
Bulldog: Well, Caffery, may I remind you that we're on camera right now and we have a time limit. You'll get your chance at him soon enough. Funnily enough, I can't wait to see you kick his ass. Show no mercy, just like I shall to Wellington Dunne this Sunday.
Bulldog: Rockshade has a reprieve. An extra week to prepare, an extra week to plan - which will go nowhere, of course. Dunne? Dunne has hours to live.
Caffrey: And Rock will be living the rest of his days in a retirement home…
Bulldog: And with that, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to say goodnight for another week. We'll see you next time, when the blood of Wellington Dunne will be on my hands… And the fate of Rockshade will be in his…
Bulldog: Goodnight.
Bulldog turns back to Caffrey, who whispers something to him as the microphones get turned off and the camera fades to black.
Bulldog: Good afternoon and welcome to Pick of the Hits, a very special GWA rankings edition - which takes into account the wrestlers YOU think are the best! Joining me this week is the fantastic Caffrey!
Caffrey: That's Anthony Caffrey. I get more money when you use my full name.
Bulldog: Excuse me, Anthony Caffrey…
Caffrey: Also, really, fantastic? That’s the descriptor you’re using? You could've gone with so many other descriptors... and I see I missed the dress code…
Caffrey looks Bulldog up and down. Caffrey is wearing a “Perfect Asshole” t-shirt and jeans.
Bulldog: You could have at least worn a suit, Caff.
Caffrey: I haven’t worn a suit in about four years...
Bulldog: Right… and with that, on we go with the countdown!
The Wizard by Paul Hardcastle plays as usual.
Bulldog: And at Number 10 this week, just scraping in, it’s the very naughty Lio! No prostitutes here please…
Caffrey: God, what an embarrassment to the company. Not to mention, it’s Lio! I’m from Philly and he makes me feel bad about it. Coming in at #9 we have Armageddon…
Caffrey sighs.
Caffrey: What a waste of talent… Johnny, I’m a great wrestler. All he had to do was listen to me. We were tagteam champions for crying out loud. Am I crazy on that?
Bulldog: I'd argue that you were the talent there, Caff, and speaking of wasted talent, at Number 8, it's the guy who always seems to be pushed to the top even when he's in a different arena, Apokolupsis!
Caffrey: You can’t win over the fans you’re so desperate to please when you’re sitting on your couch at home! Coming at #7… goddamnit I hate this guy… Danny Cage. Who put this asshole on the list?
Bulldog: This list is made by the fans, Caffrey- I mean Anthony Caffrey - this is all down to who they think is best.
Caffrey: Like he isn’t even a good wrestler! He just paid Doomtrain enough money that now they’re tag team champions.
Bulldog: Yes, thanks for that, Caff, back on track if you will…
Caffrey clearly doesn't get the rhythm of the show.
Bulldog: At 6, it's a non-mover, the former greatest on a slight lull, Dylan Black! I'm sure that will be sorted soon enough.
Caffrey: Ya know, when I came back, I was told he was the second coming of me.
Bulldog: Well yeah, but, is he?
Caffrey: I always kept moving when I was coming in… so no, I don’t think so. How’s the Brotherhood doing?
Bulldog looks a little frustrated.
Bulldog: We're still on top.
Caffrey: Oh, are you?
Caffrey looks ahead at who the next one on the list is. He smiles, knowing what he’s about to do.
Caffrey: Ooh, you’re going to hate this next one. Coming in at #5, we have our NEWWW International Champion, having just defeated Johnny Bulldog… a young kid with potential, Wellington Dunne!
Bulldog’s hard stare intensifies for a second.
Bulldog: Excuse me?! Him!? He got lucky! He may be alright but there is NO WAY. I mean… NO WAY this guy is in the Top 10! Better yet, how is he ranked higher than me!? This is a sham, a farce! I'm telling you Caffrey, I -
Bulldog lashes out at something on set, punching a hole in a back wall. Caffrey looks especially pleased with himself before wrangling him back in.
Caffrey: Woah there, we still have a list to get through, you'll get him soon enough. And I don’t know who’s paying for your set but this shit looks expensive, man.
Bulldog: Excuse me, ladies and gents. Back to the… Uhh… countdown - it's the monster Doomtrain at Number 4!
Caffrey: At number 3 we have our temporary World Champion, Rick Sheath.
Bulldog looks at Caffrey, who is going off-script.
Bulldog: Temporary, Caff? Are you reading the autocue alright?
Caffrey: Brewer is an EIGHT TIME world champion… I saw that match. It was a classic case of Brewer underestimating his opponent. He’s going to be a nine-time champion at Pick Your Poison.
Bulldog: And at Number 2… oh look, Caffery, it's you! Congratulations sir! Now, if you wouldn't mind doing the honours…
Caffrey: It's CAFFREY. And I’m number two?? I mean, I should be number one… I’ll take it for now, these fans don't know what the hell they're talking about, I'm honestly surprised they had the sense to put me this high. I haven’t shown the world what I can really do since I’ve returned anyway... who’s going to be number one?
Bulldog: Well you never know who the fans might pick! It could be… me perhaps?
Caffrey shoots Bulldog a look.
Caffrey: It’s gotta be Brewer, right? Coming at #1 on the Pick of the Hits… oh you’ve got to be kidding me.
Bulldog hands Caffery a silver envelope with the number 1 clearly visible. Inside, the Number One, Rockshade.
We see Caffrey whistle and rip up the number one card.
Caffrey: Surprise, folks. There is no number one this week!
Bulldog: That's news to me! I believe it's Rockshade, no?
Caffrey: How the HELL could it be Rockshade? No. That’s bullshit. You know what it is? He gets some airtime against me, and then every camera in the GWA is turned to us. If he can win this week -- which spoiler alert, he’s won’t, because he’s OLD AND CAN’T WRESTLE ANYMORE, then we should be the main event. The wrestling world tunes in because we have a gay World Champion and that rating stunt is drawing viewers, but they STAY for ME, the greatest technical wrestler in the history of the company. Rockshade?
Caffrey: You know what this is? It’s a bunch of fans who are voting for nostalgia. Nostalgia is in, Johnny. In the 90s? Sure. Rockshade, put him up there. Three years ago? Sure. This version now? They put THIS VERSION of Rockshade at #1?? This one is more suited to the Pick of the Retirement Home. Goddamn that son of a ---
Bulldog: Well, Caffery, may I remind you that we're on camera right now and we have a time limit. You'll get your chance at him soon enough. Funnily enough, I can't wait to see you kick his ass. Show no mercy, just like I shall to Wellington Dunne this Sunday.
Bulldog: Rockshade has a reprieve. An extra week to prepare, an extra week to plan - which will go nowhere, of course. Dunne? Dunne has hours to live.
Caffrey: And Rock will be living the rest of his days in a retirement home…
Bulldog: And with that, ladies and gentlemen, it's time to say goodnight for another week. We'll see you next time, when the blood of Wellington Dunne will be on my hands… And the fate of Rockshade will be in his…
Bulldog: Goodnight.
Bulldog turns back to Caffrey, who whispers something to him as the microphones get turned off and the camera fades to black.