Post by caffrey on Aug 24, 2018 9:19:36 GMT -5
The camera opens to Anthony Caffrey, standing next to an interviewer during a GWA house show. The interviewer is clearly young, but focused.
Interviewer: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Peter Stevens, and joining me at this time is the bonafide star, Anthony Caffrey.
Caffrey: Excuse me, but that’s not the introduction I wanted.
Stevens: I’m not calling you--
Caffrey: Say it.
Stevens sighs.
Stevens: Please welcome, the Ironman, Anthony Caffrey.
The crowd boos loudly.
Caffrey: That’s better.
Stevens: You flagged me down because you had a surprise for the GWA Universe, but I want to ask you a few questions--
Caffrey looks back at the medium-sized white box on the table behind him and smiles.
Caffrey: Do we have to?
Stevens: Well first I wanted to talk about your cancelled Ironman Match. Some fans have been very vocal about you on Twitter, saying we lost out on the Match of the Season.
Caffrey: It wasn’t me. I agreed to that match, remember? What did I tell the world last week?
Stevens: That Rockshade was the King of Trash Mountain--
Caffrey: That, and that Rockshade would prove me right.
Stevens: But you still lost the match, Caffrey.
Caffrey’s demeanor changes.
Caffrey: I’m a goddamn winner. I won. Do you think I need the validation of beating Rockshade in an Ironman Match to know that I’m better than him? Nah. I won on Sunday. I got Rockshade to admit that the GWA is absolute trash and he is as well. Go look at everything he agreed to. It’s like the Joker telling Batman that Gotham would be better without him and then Batman just f***ing off. I won.
The interviewer reminds Caffrey about the language. He moves on.
Caffrey: Besides, he’s like 80. We all know I would have won, so Rock took the easy way out. I am an athlete in my prime, and I easily considered the greatest technical wrestler in GWA History. Even with a three-year absence, I own more submission victories than anyone in this company’s history. Go look it up. Did you see how fast I snapped Sheath’s ankle?
Caffrey puts two fingers directly into Stevens’ face.
Caffrey: TWO MOVES. He tried to step over me and I WRECKED HIM. Hunter Storms almost had an orgasm at the decimation. Could Rockshade do that? Hell, could Michael Brewer do that? Speaking of our World Champion…
Caffrey moves to the box on the table.
Caffrey: TODAY is the World Champion’s birthday. Happy birthday, Michael! Congrats on being another year closer to death.
Caffrey opens the box to reveal a cake. The cake reads: “Happy Birthday Brewer, You Suck”. The crowd boos.
Caffrey: I got you vanilla, Michael. I felt like you would connect with that on a spiritual level. Now I have good news for you, Michael. I got you more than just this. My first gift to you was actually on Tuesday.
Caffrey shoos away the interviewer. He literally shoos him away, as if the interviewer was a dog trying to get into the food on the table.
Caffrey: My first gift to you was actually on Tuesday. I showed the world how to beat Rich Sheath, but most importantly, I gave you a visual guide to it. I figured you were like 65% of the world’s population, too dumb to learn anything that’s told to you so you have to see it modeled or have it done for you. I do know that beating Sheath was something you struggled with. You know, it’s almost like you defended the championship against Sheath in the first place because you thought he was a weak opponent… and then you choked… maybe I should slice the cake into smaller pieces…
Caffrey takes the cake out of the box and begins slicing it into smaller pieces so Brewer doesn’t choke again.
Caffrey: That’s better. Smaller is good, because we all know if you’re a ten-time World Champ, congrats, you’ve lost the title nine times. You’ve been the World Champion Star of Trash Mountain, but fans will argue, hell, I’ll argue, that you would never have hit ten championships with me in attendance. You crushed lesser competition, but the one time you fought me, I won the World Championship. Whenever you and I cross paths, you end up on crutches. And then the last time we fought, I had you on the verge of sleeping. It’s almost like I’m better than you or something. Funny how that works.
Caffrey finishes slicing cake and faces the camera directly.
Caffrey: I’m not sure what I’m doing the rest of the season. Wellington has the jewel I need in my Triple Crown, and I would love to show the world that their Rookie of the Season still isn’t on my level. Not to mention, beating you-know-who to the crown would be only another act of victory. But rumor has it, Michael, is that Dylan Black is gunning for your World Title and the main event of Revelation. You know, the Dylan Black that famously lost Thunderdome, couldn’t get Faith to come back, and then famously lost to me in the so-far Match of the Season because he couldn’t get the job done. Yeah, that loser. ‘Ooh I’ve got a hitlist everyone’s on it’ -- I think I was supposed to feel threatened, but it sounded like when Darksyde talks: very, very empty words. And probably actually some of the same words, come to think of it.
Caffrey smiles that sinister smile as he speaks.
Caffrey: So my THIRD and final birthday gift to you, Michael, is a gift you’ll have to choose to accept: REAL competition. Revelation. You and me. I figure if Dylan can try to jump the line by trying to hurt the feelings of a man who only has the capability to get pissy, that now I must have skyrocketed to the top. You are going to retire soon, Brewer. Do you really want the GWA fans for the rest of your life to come up to you on the street and go ‘why did you duck Caffrey’? Put the toy wrestlers away, Michael, and come fight a real man. I already proved I’m more of a man than Rock, I’ll do the same with you.
Caffrey stops speaking as the camera pans back to the cake, now having been sliced into pieces, as the scene fades to black.
Interviewer: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Peter Stevens, and joining me at this time is the bonafide star, Anthony Caffrey.
Caffrey: Excuse me, but that’s not the introduction I wanted.
Stevens: I’m not calling you--
Caffrey: Say it.
Stevens sighs.
Stevens: Please welcome, the Ironman, Anthony Caffrey.
The crowd boos loudly.
Caffrey: That’s better.
Stevens: You flagged me down because you had a surprise for the GWA Universe, but I want to ask you a few questions--
Caffrey looks back at the medium-sized white box on the table behind him and smiles.
Caffrey: Do we have to?
Stevens: Well first I wanted to talk about your cancelled Ironman Match. Some fans have been very vocal about you on Twitter, saying we lost out on the Match of the Season.
Caffrey: It wasn’t me. I agreed to that match, remember? What did I tell the world last week?
Stevens: That Rockshade was the King of Trash Mountain--
Caffrey: That, and that Rockshade would prove me right.
Stevens: But you still lost the match, Caffrey.
Caffrey’s demeanor changes.
Caffrey: I’m a goddamn winner. I won. Do you think I need the validation of beating Rockshade in an Ironman Match to know that I’m better than him? Nah. I won on Sunday. I got Rockshade to admit that the GWA is absolute trash and he is as well. Go look at everything he agreed to. It’s like the Joker telling Batman that Gotham would be better without him and then Batman just f***ing off. I won.
The interviewer reminds Caffrey about the language. He moves on.
Caffrey: Besides, he’s like 80. We all know I would have won, so Rock took the easy way out. I am an athlete in my prime, and I easily considered the greatest technical wrestler in GWA History. Even with a three-year absence, I own more submission victories than anyone in this company’s history. Go look it up. Did you see how fast I snapped Sheath’s ankle?
Caffrey puts two fingers directly into Stevens’ face.
Caffrey: TWO MOVES. He tried to step over me and I WRECKED HIM. Hunter Storms almost had an orgasm at the decimation. Could Rockshade do that? Hell, could Michael Brewer do that? Speaking of our World Champion…
Caffrey moves to the box on the table.
Caffrey: TODAY is the World Champion’s birthday. Happy birthday, Michael! Congrats on being another year closer to death.
Caffrey opens the box to reveal a cake. The cake reads: “Happy Birthday Brewer, You Suck”. The crowd boos.
Caffrey: I got you vanilla, Michael. I felt like you would connect with that on a spiritual level. Now I have good news for you, Michael. I got you more than just this. My first gift to you was actually on Tuesday.
Caffrey shoos away the interviewer. He literally shoos him away, as if the interviewer was a dog trying to get into the food on the table.
Caffrey: My first gift to you was actually on Tuesday. I showed the world how to beat Rich Sheath, but most importantly, I gave you a visual guide to it. I figured you were like 65% of the world’s population, too dumb to learn anything that’s told to you so you have to see it modeled or have it done for you. I do know that beating Sheath was something you struggled with. You know, it’s almost like you defended the championship against Sheath in the first place because you thought he was a weak opponent… and then you choked… maybe I should slice the cake into smaller pieces…
Caffrey takes the cake out of the box and begins slicing it into smaller pieces so Brewer doesn’t choke again.
Caffrey: That’s better. Smaller is good, because we all know if you’re a ten-time World Champ, congrats, you’ve lost the title nine times. You’ve been the World Champion Star of Trash Mountain, but fans will argue, hell, I’ll argue, that you would never have hit ten championships with me in attendance. You crushed lesser competition, but the one time you fought me, I won the World Championship. Whenever you and I cross paths, you end up on crutches. And then the last time we fought, I had you on the verge of sleeping. It’s almost like I’m better than you or something. Funny how that works.
Caffrey finishes slicing cake and faces the camera directly.
Caffrey: I’m not sure what I’m doing the rest of the season. Wellington has the jewel I need in my Triple Crown, and I would love to show the world that their Rookie of the Season still isn’t on my level. Not to mention, beating you-know-who to the crown would be only another act of victory. But rumor has it, Michael, is that Dylan Black is gunning for your World Title and the main event of Revelation. You know, the Dylan Black that famously lost Thunderdome, couldn’t get Faith to come back, and then famously lost to me in the so-far Match of the Season because he couldn’t get the job done. Yeah, that loser. ‘Ooh I’ve got a hitlist everyone’s on it’ -- I think I was supposed to feel threatened, but it sounded like when Darksyde talks: very, very empty words. And probably actually some of the same words, come to think of it.
Caffrey smiles that sinister smile as he speaks.
Caffrey: So my THIRD and final birthday gift to you, Michael, is a gift you’ll have to choose to accept: REAL competition. Revelation. You and me. I figure if Dylan can try to jump the line by trying to hurt the feelings of a man who only has the capability to get pissy, that now I must have skyrocketed to the top. You are going to retire soon, Brewer. Do you really want the GWA fans for the rest of your life to come up to you on the street and go ‘why did you duck Caffrey’? Put the toy wrestlers away, Michael, and come fight a real man. I already proved I’m more of a man than Rock, I’ll do the same with you.
Caffrey stops speaking as the camera pans back to the cake, now having been sliced into pieces, as the scene fades to black.