Post by Cult Palomino on Oct 8, 2015 2:01:18 GMT -5
[Cult Palomino is sitting at his desk. The Big Apple Heavyweight Title, front and center, is propped up. Its name plate is blank. Behind Cult, through the glass window, the Manhattan skyline is majestic. By contrast, Cult is not. This is the inaugural State of the Apple Address.]
"What you're about to hear is straight from the horse's mouth."
[He laughs, loving every minute of the spotlight the GWA has provided him, and not wanting to return to telemarketing.]
"Can you believe it? The GWA has granted me my own segment, exclusively on gwa-online.com. There? Are ya happy I plugged your stinkin' Web site?"
[At this time, Cult adjusts himself in his chair and clears his throat, as though he's preparing to deliver an important message. His posture leaves a little to be desired.]
"Let's get down to business, shall we? The Big Apple Heavyweight Title Tournament is in full swing and it looks like this. Alex Perfect, your original BAWF wrestler, has advanced to the finals. He will meet the winner of this Sunday's match between Johnny Bulldog and Kush. Yes, you heard me right. Your cutesy Hashtag Rookie Invasion gimmick has infiltrated the Big Apple. But fear not, because of all the rookies to make it into the Tournament That Matters™, I'm glad it's her. She can get it done in the ring. She may not be a part of this here BAWF family, but uh... If she can get past Bulldog and Perfect, well, then, she will be the rightful holder of this most prestigious prize in our industry."
[He makes an exaggerated hand gesture towards the Big Apple Heavyweight Title.]
"Let me tell you something, sweetie. Welcome to the Big Apple. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere."
[Here, a pause for effect, like he's proud of himself for working that reference into his monologue.]
"As I was saying. Mike Lio, the reason we have Kush competing for our title is because you walked out. You were scheduled to face Johnny Bulldog and you didn't show up because you were too busy playing with matches or something like that. Look, that's none of my business. I vouched for you when you chose not to defend the International Title. As much as we all know you love gold, we know the Big Apple Heavyweight Title means more. So, do you want it or not? I'm told your future with the GWA is up in the air. I could care less about your feelings towards the GWA. But if you're with us then you gotta be with us. I'm requesting your presence this Sunday on Showcase. Let us know where your allegiance is. If your heart is in the right place, we have no problem giving you the first crack at the new Big Apple Heavyweight Champion. Whatdya say, Mike?"
[Cult's assistant walks in and hands him a memo. He briefly glances at it before placing it on his desk among other random papers.]
"Now, onto the man they call Johnny3wins. Congratulations, kid. A few weeks ago, you beat three wrestlers nobody cares about anymore. Don't get me wrong. It was some feat. But do you really think you deserve the rocket this company is strapping to your back? You have a bright future ahead of you, but you're untested. If you were in our tournament, I have a feeling things would have ended up differently.
"And that's exactly it. While this company is touting its latest great young hope, the BAWF is still not getting the recognition we deserve. Throughout our storied history, we've consistently been passed over for the flavor of the month. Johnny3tears, you need to be tested. And I know just the man for the job. The next time you show your face on television, Johnny will be crying more than three tears, if you know what I mean."
[He cracks himself up sometimes.]
"Now shut that camera off. I have a four o'clock."
[Abrupt fade.]
"What you're about to hear is straight from the horse's mouth."
[He laughs, loving every minute of the spotlight the GWA has provided him, and not wanting to return to telemarketing.]
"Can you believe it? The GWA has granted me my own segment, exclusively on gwa-online.com. There? Are ya happy I plugged your stinkin' Web site?"
[At this time, Cult adjusts himself in his chair and clears his throat, as though he's preparing to deliver an important message. His posture leaves a little to be desired.]
"Let's get down to business, shall we? The Big Apple Heavyweight Title Tournament is in full swing and it looks like this. Alex Perfect, your original BAWF wrestler, has advanced to the finals. He will meet the winner of this Sunday's match between Johnny Bulldog and Kush. Yes, you heard me right. Your cutesy Hashtag Rookie Invasion gimmick has infiltrated the Big Apple. But fear not, because of all the rookies to make it into the Tournament That Matters™, I'm glad it's her. She can get it done in the ring. She may not be a part of this here BAWF family, but uh... If she can get past Bulldog and Perfect, well, then, she will be the rightful holder of this most prestigious prize in our industry."
[He makes an exaggerated hand gesture towards the Big Apple Heavyweight Title.]
"Let me tell you something, sweetie. Welcome to the Big Apple. If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere."
[Here, a pause for effect, like he's proud of himself for working that reference into his monologue.]
"As I was saying. Mike Lio, the reason we have Kush competing for our title is because you walked out. You were scheduled to face Johnny Bulldog and you didn't show up because you were too busy playing with matches or something like that. Look, that's none of my business. I vouched for you when you chose not to defend the International Title. As much as we all know you love gold, we know the Big Apple Heavyweight Title means more. So, do you want it or not? I'm told your future with the GWA is up in the air. I could care less about your feelings towards the GWA. But if you're with us then you gotta be with us. I'm requesting your presence this Sunday on Showcase. Let us know where your allegiance is. If your heart is in the right place, we have no problem giving you the first crack at the new Big Apple Heavyweight Champion. Whatdya say, Mike?"
[Cult's assistant walks in and hands him a memo. He briefly glances at it before placing it on his desk among other random papers.]
"Now, onto the man they call Johnny3wins. Congratulations, kid. A few weeks ago, you beat three wrestlers nobody cares about anymore. Don't get me wrong. It was some feat. But do you really think you deserve the rocket this company is strapping to your back? You have a bright future ahead of you, but you're untested. If you were in our tournament, I have a feeling things would have ended up differently.
"And that's exactly it. While this company is touting its latest great young hope, the BAWF is still not getting the recognition we deserve. Throughout our storied history, we've consistently been passed over for the flavor of the month. Johnny3tears, you need to be tested. And I know just the man for the job. The next time you show your face on television, Johnny will be crying more than three tears, if you know what I mean."
[He cracks himself up sometimes.]
"Now shut that camera off. I have a four o'clock."
[Abrupt fade.]